LGBTQ+

Being an LGBTQ+ ally VS being an LGBTQ+ Affirmative therapist

As I am sat at my desk writing this, I have an image in my mind’s eye of 2 teenage girls sitting at a table in a fast food restaurant. One of those girls is a younger me. The other one is a life-long friend who decided at that point to open up to me about being lesbian and all the hardships she had endured because of that. Tears streamed down my face as I took it all in. My friend is now married to her soul mate and still makes fun of me for crying that day. I cried because I was humbled by her sharing of such raw experiences. I was touched that she thought I was deserving of her trust.

Until that point I had never met an LGBTQ+ person. From that point onwards I became an ally.

Fast forward a couple of decades, and I find myself listening to fellow human beings sharing their raw experiences for a living. As a therapist, however, I found that being an ally was not going to be enough. I wanted to be more. I wanted to be an LGBTQ+ affirmative therapist.  What this means is that I am now more informed around the topic.  I have read articles and books which prepare me to receive these raw experiences and situate them within a biological, psychological and social context.  This means that when you are sharing your experiences with me you do not have to educate me about LGBTQ+.  Instead we can focus entirely on what this is like for you.

LGBTQ+ folk may prefer to have an LGBTQ+ therapist who can understand them better through personal lived experience. However, this is not always the case. Some clients prefer to talk to someone who is outside of the community. Others might have come to therapy for completely different reasons and then as they start getting more in touch with themselves, they may also start questioning their gender or sexuality. I do not identify as LGBTQ+ so I don’t have that personal lived experience. As such the closest I can get to this is through informing myself and keeping up to date with the latest developments in the field. Moreover, my work is supervised by a supervisor who identifies as LGBTQ+ and she helps me to make sure that I am working within my competence.

As a therapist, I don’t let the tears stream freely down my face anymore. During our training we are thought to keep one foot in and one foot out so we can be with the client’s pain without becoming overwhelmed. However, deep inside I still carry a part of me that cries with my clients just like I cried with my friend. This is a part of myself that I cherish deeply because it allows me to have the ‘person to person encounters’ which are conducive to healing.

If you want to get a better idea of the literature that informs my perspective and practice you can have a look at these:

• How to be an LGBT+ Affirmative Therapist - Daniel Browne

• Gender, Sexual, and Relationship Diversity (GSRD) - Dr Meg-John Barker. This can be accessed for free here

If you want to learn more about how I can help you get in touch for a free consultation.