From Internal Conflict to Self-Connection
Therapy for emotional pain deriving from current or past relationships, estrangement and bereavement.
Relationships often feel both deeply important and unexpectedly painful.
That moment where you overthink what you said. Or give more than you meant to, and feel it later. Or realise you’re in another conversation that’s circling the same old tensions, even if it’s with a different person.
Where the relationship should be a place of safety and connection, it is, instead, a place where you feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, and unsure of yourself.
Maybe you’re the one who holds everything together. Maybe you’re the one who pulls away when things get too close. Or maybe you oscillate between both, without really understanding why it keeps happening.
And it doesn’t stay contained to one relationship. It can show up with partners, family, friends, work, or in the way you talk to yourself afterward.
Whatever has brought you here, there’s usually something deeper underneath the pattern: a part of you trying to protect a vulnerability, with a strategy that doesn’t seem to be working anymore.
And it is exhausting.
In therapy, we begin to gently untangle these patterns so we can understand what’s happening underneath them. That underlying experience is often what keeps the cycle going. As we heal the original wound, the patterns and behaviours wont’t be necessary anymore, and the symptoms naturally begin to ease.
THERAPY IN THE UK FOR
RELATIONAL ISSUES | BEREAVEMENT | ESTRANGEMENT
Many people come in already able to name their patterns. They’ve done the reflecting. They’ve read, thought, and tried to change. And still, something doesn’t shift.
That’s because insight alone isn’t always enough. Real change often happens when you start to feel safe enough inside yourself to respond differently in the moment the pattern shows up.
In this therapeutic work together, we look at how your patterns are serving you (or costing you). Over time, that creates more space for choice and connection, where relationships can feel less reactive and more aligned with who you are.
Understanding the Patterns Beneath the Surface
Many of the people I work with are living with the lasting effects of difficult or overwhelming experiences, which can show up in relationships, self-worth, and emotional wellbeing. This might look like feeling lost, easily overwhelmed, struggling with closeness or boundaries, repeating painful relationship patterns, or feeling disconnected without fully knowing why.
Together, we can begin to understand what is happening both in your relationships and within yourself.
My approach is informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment theory and other trauma-informed approaches. Rather than fighting against thoughts, feelings or coping strategies, we approach them with curiosity and respect. Even the parts of us that feel confusing, overwhelming, or even destructive have often developed for good reasonsThey might not make sense with your current circumstances. But what we often find is that they made sense at some point in your life, and now they’re a bit stuck.
Over time, therapy can help things feel less overwhelming and more grounded, so you can experience greater choice in your relationships and your life. It often becomes easier to stay connected to the people in your life without falling into the same old pain loops, and you may find yourself naturally drawn toward relationships that feel less reactive, more supportive, steady, and good for you.
Bereavement and Loss
Grief can be both deeply personal and unexpectedly complex.
You may be grieving a recent loss, or carrying grief that hasn’t had space to fully land, perhaps because life moved on too quickly, or because you felt you had to stay strong for others.
Grief can show up emotionally, physically, and relationally. It may feel like sadness, numbness, anger, exhaustion, or a sense of disconnection from yourself or others. Sometimes it comes in waves. Sometimes it feels stuck or hard to access at all.
In therapy, there is space for grief to be experienced in its own time and shape. We can make room for what was lost, what was unsaid, and what still feels present in you. Together, we’ll focus on finding a way to carry your loss that feels more integrated and less alone.
An Integrated, Gentle, and IFS-Informed Approach
Together, we’ll find a pace that feels right for you and identify whatever else you might need to feel safe and comfortable. From that place, you can begin to bring forward your vulnerabilities for healing when you’re ready.
Whether you are navigating relationship difficulties, family estrangement, bereavement, or emotional overwhelm, my role is to walk alongside you as you make sense of your experiences and discover what feels right for you.
A Little About Charmaine
Hi, I'm Charmaine Zahra MBACP, a psychotherapist working from Wimbledon, Tooting and online across the UK.
I am Maltese-born, though London has become my home. Alongside my work as a therapist, I enjoy spending time in nature, reading a good book and painting by numbers. I continue to undertake training in Internal Family Systems Therapy and other trauma-informed approaches as part of my ongoing commitment to professional development.
If you would like to learn more about my approach, I invite you to visit the About page or get in touch.
Common Questions & Concerns
If you have any questions or concerns that are not listed here, feel free to get in touch and I will address them directly with you.
-
Many of the people I work with have experienced complex trauma or difficult life experiences that continue to impact their relationships, self-esteem, and emotional wellbeing. Others may not have clear language for what they’re struggling with, but notice patterns of distress, disconnection, or feeling stuck in their present relationships and daily life. I work with adult individuals experiencing relationship difficulties, attachment wounds like early relationship experiences that continue to shape how we connect with others, emotional overwhelm, family estrangement, grief, and bereavement.
-
You don't need to have everything figured out before reaching out. Some people come to therapy knowing exactly what they want to work on. Others simply know that something feels difficult or overwhelming. You may be struggling in your relationships, feeling anxious, grieving a loss, or noticing patterns that keep repeating. Therapy offers a space to slow down and make sense of your experiences.
-
I draw on trauma-informed and relational approaches, including Internal Family Systems (IFS), attachment theory, psychodynamic theories, polyvagal theory, person-centred therapy and more. These approaches help you understand emotional responses, relationship patterns, and internal conflict with more clarity and compassion.
Rather than focusing on quick strategies to manage or push symptoms away, which would require more of your energy, we explore what your thoughts, feelings, and coping patterns may be communicating. These responses often developed for a reason, they were protective or helpful at some point, even if they no longer feel useful now.
Together, we get curious about what these patterns are trying to do for you and whether they are still needed in the same way. From there, change tends to happen more organically, through understanding rather than force.
Over time, old coping patterns can soften or shift, and the energy once used to manage them becomes more available for relationships, emotional wellbeing, and a greater sense of choice and connection.
-
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is based on the idea that we all have different parts within us that developed to help us cope and navigate life. Sometimes these parts work together, and sometimes they can come into conflict, leaving us feeling anxious, stuck or overwhelmed.
In therapy, we approach these parts with curiosity and compassion, helping you understand yourself more deeply and create more harmony within.
I am a certified, level 3, IFS therapist. I also help teach this therapeutic modality to other therapists.
-
Yes. Relationship difficulties can affect every area of life. You may find yourself repeating familiar patterns, struggling with conflict, feeling misunderstood, or losing yourself in relationships. Together, we can explore the experiences and attachment patterns that may be shaping these difficulties and help you develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
-
Yes. Family relationships can be deeply painful and complex. Some people come to therapy already estranged from family members, while others are navigating strained or distant relationships. In therapy, I will not tell you whether to reconnect or remain distant. Rather, together, we create a space to understand the different feelings and experiences involved so that you can make choices that feel right for you.
-
Yes. Grief can arise after the death of a loved one, but we can also grieve the loss of relationships, roles, hopes and things we never had. Grief often brings complex emotions, especially when relationships were already complicated . Therapy provides a space where your grief and all the emotions that come with it can be witnessed and processed at your own pace.
-
Yes. I offer online therapy for adults throughout the UK, as well as in-person sessions in Wimbledon and Tooting, South West London.
-
There is no fixed timeline. Some people come for short-term support around a specific issue, while others choose longer-term therapy to explore deeper patterns and experiences. We can discuss what feels right for you and review this together as therapy progresses.
-
Working with me is collaborative, thoughtful, and paced to what feels right for you. Clients often say they feel at ease, understood, and safe enough to explore things they may not have been able to put into words before.
We begin by exploring what’s been happening for you emotionally, mentally, and physically, and gently noticing the different parts of you that show up in certain situations, such as the part that shuts down, overthinks, people-pleases, becomes critical, angry, or overwhelmed.
Rather than trying to get rid of these responses, we get curious about what they’re trying to do. Often, they developed as ways of coping or protecting you through difficult experiences.
Over time, we explore whether these patterns are still helping you, or whether they may be keeping you stuck in your relationships, emotions, or daily life. We also work gently with the deeper experiences underneath them, including painful events, unmet needs, and long-held beliefs about yourself.
Many clients find they begin to relate to themselves with more understanding, feel less controlled by old patterns, and experience greater calm, clarity, and connection.
-
Getting started is simple. Reach out through the contact form to schedule a free 30-minute consultation. In this meeting we can discuss your difficulties, and address and questions or concerns you might have about therapy or about me. I can also talk to you about how I would address with your specific concerns.